What Do You Need From the Team You Lead

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One of my favorite quotes on leadership comes from Margaret Thatcher: “Being a leader is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are one, you probably aren’t.”

I’ve worked with people who regularly reminded their direct reports who the leader was. I always thought this was senseless because they were already the leader. Did they think everyone else forgot? When you feel compelled to remind everyone else that you’re the leader, it sounds more like you’re trying to convince yourself.

I’ve worked with others who just led, and everyone else just followed. They had the greatest influence, though they weren’t the smartest, the loudest or the most dominant. Sometimes they even had the title to go with it, but not always.

This is an example of how leadership behavior can expose the nature of leadership identity. What would motivate someone to consistently advertise his/her organizational authority? It could be a host of reasons, but a likely one is that his/her leadership identity is built around recognition and affirmation of others.

To say it plainly, some leaders base their leadership identity on the responses of those they lead.

“They had the greatest influence, though they weren’t the smartest, the loudest or the most dominant.”

And Your Point Is...?

When it comes to leadership, you can't authentically influence someone when you also need something from them.

So What?

It’s the same dynamic that's in play with codependency: It's dysfunctional to be in a relationship where you give something to someone to justify your need for getting something from them. It also shows up in parenting: It’s hard to develop children into adults when you also depend upon their affirmation.

Depending upon our team’s affirmation to define our leadership identity is an example of what I call an “Outside-In” approach, where we rely on the circumstances and relationships in our external environment to shape our internal leadership identity.

“It’s dysfunctional to be in a relationship where you give something to someone to justify your need for getting something from them.”

The opposite, more effective approach is “Inside-Out.” Being clear on our leadership identity—who are and who we want to be as a leader—positions us to genuinely influence them. It’s not about what we can get from them, it’s about what we can provide for their benefit.

The Big Picture

This Inside-Out approach supports the identity of servant leadership, where we lead with our teams’ interests and well-being in mind rather than our own. It’s not an identity we quickly or easily embrace. But it’s counter-intuitive, and it’s the most effective and influential identity a leader can have because it operates exclusively Inside-Out.

“It’s not about what we can get from them, it’s about what we can provide for their benefit.”

Your Next Step

Take some time at the end of each work week to reflect on how you interacted with your team, and take note of any time you become aware of needing affirmation from your team to feel better about yourself—whether you got the affirmation or not.

“It’s counter-intuitive, and it’s the most effective and influential identity a leader can have.”

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Why Having the Last Word Can Kill Your Leadership Influence

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Leaders often settle for control when they could have influence instead. Mind you, control in leadership is not necessarily a bad thing—in fact, in many situations it's vital. But it's only one approach.

One of the most common ways that the control vs. influence question shows up is in communication. Leaders with a control-first approach tend to talk more, listen less and generally dominate conversations.

You might say they actively seek to "win" the conversation by being the most visible and obvious speaker. There's a natural tendency to believe that if I'm talking, I'm in control—or, more accurately, if I'm not talking I've lost control. Nothing could be further from the truth.

“There’s a natural tendency to believe that ... if I’m not talking I’ve lost control.”

And Your Point Is...?

The only time you need to be in control is when you really need to be—which is actually a minority 100% the time.

So What?

The tendency to "win" conversations likely comes from patterns developed over years of controlling conversations and getting some good results, so you did it more; rinse and repeat. Now it's a habit you don't even know you have—and it's undermining your influence—though none of your subordinates are probably going to tell you about it.

In fact, they are probably working hard to emulate you because you consistently model the (perceived) behavior required to move up in the organization. So you're not only building this behavior pattern into your team, you’re also very likely baking it into the culture of your organization.

“Now it’s a habit you don’t even know you have—and it’s undermining your influence.”

You're also missing opportunities to listen to what your team is really thinking, what they actually know and how they would handle things—apart from your direction. As Andy Stanley put it, "Leaders who don't listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say." So, do you really need to have the last word?

The Big Picture

Think: What's the goal of leadership? Is it submission to our dominance as leaders? Or is it to influence other people to develop and achieve their highest possible level of success/effectiveness?

“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.”

— Andy Stanley

I strongly recommend shooting for the latter, which only comes when we give away control and decision-making authority to those we lead.

Your Next Step

Ask: What's really driving my dominating behavior? What is preventing me from being content with letting the other person "win" the conversation (when my control is not essential to the outcome)?

“What is preventing me from being content with letting the other person ‘win’ the conversation?”

Think: Start with the end in mind. For any conversation, fix in your mind the best possible outcome—for the other person. Then let your words (or your silence) drive the content of the conversation.

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Stop Trying to Be the Smartest Person in the Room

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In any group of people, only one (or maybe two) of them can be the smartest, right?

So the next time you find yourself in a room of people and are tempted to try to make a good impression with your experience or mental horsepower, or to establish yourself as a “player,” you would do well to face the simple reality that there can be only one smartest person in any given room.

“You would do well to face the simple reality that there can be only one smartest person in any given room.”

And Your Point Is...?

You either are the smartest person in the room, or you're not.

So What?

It's natural to want to make the best possible impression on others, especially if it's a group of people we don't know. It's tempting to want to make our mark and try to establish our credibility or influence.

But this effort to capture the SPITR title can be counter-productive—and maybe even detrimental—to establishing influence with the group.

First, it's very likely that everyone has already figured out who the smartest person in the room is. And if they haven't, it won't take long for them to confirm it. Trying to prove it just makes you look desperate, or egotistical.

“This effort to capture the SPITR title can be counter-productive—and maybe even detrimental—to establishing influence with the group.”

Secondly, your efforts will likely backfire on you. If you're NOT the smartest person and try to act like you are, then everyone else will see what you're trying to do—and you don't want to get branded with that. If you ARE the smartest person in the room and try to act like you are, then you run the risk of looking like a prideful, controlling jerk.

Either way, you lose credibility and trust, which is a step backward in your efforts to achieve influence with those in the room. Remember: the goal is not to be perceived as the smartest, it's to maximize your collaboration with the team and leverage what you and everyone collectively bring to the table to in order to get the best possible outcomes.

“Remember: The goal is to maximize your collaboration with the team and leverage what you and everyone collectively bring to the table to in order to get the best possible outcomes.”

The Big Picture

IQ is certainly an asset, but leadership is much more than intelligence. Many times the smartest person's opinion isn't the best way forward. So stop trying to appear as if you're the smartest in the room—as if that gives you some sort of award—and just lead. Because in the end, leadership is less about your capabilities and more about the team’s capabilities.

Your Next Step

How can you accurately assess your attempts to leave an impression?

“In the end, leadership is less about your capabilities and more about the team’s capabilities.”

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10 Reasons We Don’t Get Better as Leaders

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Leadership is a challenge. If it was easier, we’d all be great leaders. So why is it so hard to step up to the challenge and get better? Great question.

This is where a proverb from the Navy SEALs gives us some insight:

“In a crisis, you don’t rise to the occasion.
You sink to the level of your training.”

In a leadership crisis, we can only be as effective as we’ve intentionally prepared ourselves to be. But the reality is, most of us haven’t developed our leadership behaviors. We just go with whatever comes naturally, and hope that we can somehow, magically, rise to the occasion.

I’ve identified 10 challenges we must train through to get better as leaders. I’ve listed these challenges as “Levels”—think of these as floors that you reach by riding in an elevator. The elevator stops at each floor, and you can’t move up until you’ve trained through the challenge on that level. If you decide not to train yourself to overcome a specific challenge, that’s where your development—and your leadership effectiveness—will stop.

Level 1 – Mindset

This is the ground floor, where the challenge is embracing the mindset that getting better as a leader is normal and possible. To get beyond this level, you have to actually believe that there is leadership competency that you’re leaving on the table if you don’t choose to develop—and this has to bother you. If you don’t believe this (and if it doesn’t bother you), then get comfortable in the lobby because you’ll never even get on the elevator.

“You have to actually believe that there is leadership competency that you’re leaving on the table.”

Level 2 – Complacency

The level above the lobby is where we deal with indifference. After all, development takes effort. If there’s no urgency to become the best leader you can be, then you’ll avoid the effort to objectively assess yourself to learn how you might improve. You’ll not discipline yourself to read and reflect, or develop the transparency to pursue mentoring or coaching. You’ll settle for the results that come from operating at level 2.

Level 3 – Poverty of Time

After complacency comes the management of your bandwidth for development. Everyone’s under pressure to do more with less in today’s marketplace. But when we don’t set aside focused time and energy to develop, we simply don’t improve.

In truth, poverty of time isn’t a reason for a lack of development as much as it’s a symptom—a result of a lack of urgency and/or priority. More to the point, it’s an excuse.

So do you aspire to improve? If you do, you’ll create at least some margin for it and move on to the next level.

“Poverty of time isn’t a reason for a lack of development as much as it’s a symptom.”

Level 4 – Positional Authority

It’s easy to mistake the use of positional authority as leadership because it’s so easy to leverage our position in the org chart to get people to comply with our direction. After all, title is not a leadership competency.

Consider this: How would you influence people if you didn’t outrank them? What if the only leverage you had was the relational capital you’ve invested in them to earn their trust and respect?

When we use our positional authority muscles, our relational competency and emotional intelligence muscles atrophy. Want to stay stuck at Level 5? Then keep exercising your positional authority. Want to be genuinely effective as a leader? Let positional authority go and work on building relationships.

After all, everyone already knows you have the title; reminding them won’t help you.

Once you train yourself to move away from using positional authority, you’ll be ready to move to Level 6 and start seeing real development.

Level 5 – Aiming for the Wrong Target

If we’re going to get better, we have to accurately define what we’re trying to improve. In my experience, leadership is most commonly and broadly thought of as “getting stuff done.” This definition may bring you results in the short-term, but eventually it falls apart.

“Everyone already knows you have the title; reminding them won’t help you.”

This is where I lean on one of my favorite Peter Drucker quotes: “The function of leadership is to create more leaders, not more followers.” The role of the leader is to cultivate an environment where the team members …

1. Are intrinsically motivated to perform on their own initiative

2. Have the autonomy to make decisions about their work

3. Are equipped to make good decisions

4. Collaborate together, creating synergy instead of competition

5. Equip others in a similar approach (to build leadership capacity in the organization)

Defining leadership as getting stuff done is the ultimate myopic approach to leadership because it puts the focus on you (your performance and ability to control) instead of where it should be: on the team.

If you want to move beyond this short-sighted approach (see David Marquet’s Turn the Ship Around for a great resource), then change your definition and you’ll be ready to move to Level 6.

Level 6 – Success

Most leaders are in their roles because they’ve had some level of success. But often this success is the result of natural characteristics (e.g. personality, work ethic, intelligence, experience, wit, etc.). While these can contribute to leadership effectiveness, they usually aren’t the product of intentional cultivation. This creates a couple of issues:

1. It’s easy to over-rely on these characteristics, creating an imbalance in our leadership behaviors.

2. Success often removes the urgency to get better, creating a don’t-fix-what’s-not-broke mentality.

Both of these together cause us to plateau in our leadership effectiveness. Recognizing that effectiveness comes from moving beyond past successes to hone our leadership craft, we’re finally in a position to see what’s on Level 7.

“The function of leadership is to create more leaders, not more followers.”

— Peter Drucker

Level 7 – Blind Spots

Every leader has blind spots. A minority of leaders actually seek them out and expose them. Make no mistake: You can’t fix what you can’t see.

Blind spots are what the Harrison Behavioral Assessment calls “derailers.” They often come from an over-reliance upon a certain behavior trait that’s assumed to be a strength.

The Harrison Assessment’s use of paradoxical leadership behaviors reveals how this works. For example, one of the Harrison’s 12 paradox traits is Respectful Candor, a pairing of the traits of Frankness and Diplomacy. Because these traits appear to be opposites, it’s easy to default to either Frankness (“telling it like it is”) or Diplomacy (“being politically savvy”). Doing so overuses one trait at the exclusion of the other, creating an out-of-balance behavioral blind spot.

When this blind spot is revealed we see that being both frank AND diplomatic is a higher-order leadership behavior. That assumes, of course, that we are prepared to look for it.

Exposing our blind spots reveals leadership potential we didn’t know existed. This gives us the courage to move to the next level, where we gain awareness of what’s behind many of our limiting behaviors.

Level 8 – Fear

Level 8 houses the stuff that few leaders are willing to admit: fears. Obviously, leaders need to be careful talking about fear. Mishandled and haphazardly exposed, fear can be cancerous to a team’s effectiveness. But leaving fear unaddressed and unrecognized is just as dangerous, and it will ultimately reveal itself in destructive ways when we least expect it.

Some of the blind-spot biases we dealt with in Level 7 are sourced in fear. Things like fear of how others will perceive us or the of loss of relationship. Some fear the loss of control. For those leaders who have a competitive bent, the source of their competitive behaviors is often fear-based. It’s not uncommon in my coaching experience to have leaders admit to being afraid of failure or the loss of status. Some fear that they don’t measure up to expectations.

The goal of development is to maintain leadership effectiveness while shifting away from fear-driven motivations. As Jack Canfield says, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.” Once we get on the other side of fear, we’re ready to move up to Level 9.

“Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”

— Jack Canfield

Level 9 – Ourselves

Getting to Level 9 requires not so much hard work as it does brave work. Level 9 is all about our character, which means using a mirror to accurately see the issues that most profoundly shape our leadership as a legacy. This includes things like pride, self-interest, consumerism, etc. Training through these issues moves us from being expedient and opportunistic as leaders to being truly impactful.

We must be willing to change ourselves. This usually requires additional outside perspective (an accountable peer, coach or mentor). It must also be paired with an internal conviction to do the right thing, purposefully, for the sake of others’ best interests, all the time—especially when everyone else chooses not to.

Once you can commit to leading out of character, you’re at last in a position to elevate to Level 10.

Level 10 – Identity

Are you the leader you want to be? I don’t mean your performance, I mean your identity: Who you are. It may be tricky to separate identity from performance, but you’ll need to in order to navigate this Level.

Performance, after all, is an external, situationally-dependent outcome. Identity is … you, who you are as a living soul. The two couldn’t be more different. Behavior (i.e. performance) is an outflow of our identity, not the source of it. Identifying yourself by your performance means you’ll never be the same person one day to the next—which is nonsense.

“Behavior (i.e. performance) is an outflow of our identity, not the source of it.”

Leaders who get to this level sometimes say, “This is complicated.” Actually, it’s not … in fact, it’s pretty simple. But it does take courage. Because when you’ve identified yourself by your performance all your life, to make a sudden shift in identity means you’re stepping into the unknown: You’ve haven’t really been you yet.

Making this change opens up whole new possibilities you never knew existed. Fear goes way down. Concern for others and for timeless values goes way up. You don’t worry about yourself nearly as much because you’re thinking more about everyone else. You’ll stop chasing situational success and be free to engage more with purpose than self-preservation and self-interests. Knowing your identity lets you become an authentic servant leader.

Want to Know Your Identity and Live Your True Purpose?

3 Reasons Why Your Past Identity Doesn’t Determine Your Future Identity

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When it comes to defining leadership identity, our default is to look back to who we’ve been in the past as a starting point. This is natural, but is actually incredibly limiting, handcuffing our ability to make any forward progress on stepping into the leader we can be.

For example, our self-perception might be negative because of an important influence in our past, like a significant failure, a traumatic event, negative comments from an influential person in our lives, an addictive pattern or simply not living up to our own personal expectations. Even if our self-perception is positive, it can have detrimental impacts if this becomes our primary identity. There are many people who have based their identity around their success in a previous role, only to be thrust into a significantly different role and create uncertainty about who they’re supposed to be.

I see this backward-first tendency frequently in my coaching sessions when working through the results from the Harrison Behavioral Assessment, which provides data-driven insight into how we set ourselves up for trouble when we base our identity on our self-perception from the past. Ultimately, our past identity shapes our ability to accept ourselves, or in the terminology of the Harrison Assessment, we struggle to like ourselves and accept that “I’m okay the way I am.”

A Real Life Example

The image below is a Self-Actualization graph from the Harrison Assessment (one of the 12 Paradox Behavior graphs used in the Harrison) of a coaching client. This client had a number of influences that drove him particularly hard to excel in life. As a result, my client developed a life-long pattern of rigorous self-improvement behaviors, always trying to get better and be successful.

But his pursuit of perfection was unknowingly inspired by a belief that he didn’t quite measure up. His self-critical behaviors were often interpreted positively as “setting a high bar for himself.” Yet the warning signs are also present. As the graph indicates (see the red “storm” symbol), under stress his behaviors would flip from being self-critical to being defensive. This showed up as outbursts of anger, blaming, frustration and sudden shifts in goals and strategies.

“We struggle to like ourselves and accept that ‘I’m okay the way I am.’”

This graph reveals that his intense developmental efforts—and all the success and recognition they brought—disguised his primary motivation: to overcome a negative self-perception. The more he was esteemed for his self-improvement and rewarded for his success, the more entrenched his false identity became.

Freedom came in realizing he wasn’t who he’d been all his life. He has since become grounded in the truth that his identity is defined by who he is now and who he ultimately wants to be, not who he has been. He’s much more content, comfortable with himself and with others, and rarely has the outbursts that previously were commonplace.

“The more he was esteemed for his self-improvement and rewarded for his success, the more entrenched his false identity became.”

Backward Referencing

We have the tendency to simply accept our self-perception from the past as a permanent reality, whether positive or negative. I call this Backward Referencing: the process of using who we were in our past to define our current identity. Here are three reasons why Backward Referencing your past identity doesn’t work.

1. Who you are and who you want to be is a willful decision, not a prescribed, predetermined or fixed reality. It’s not what your environment has told you. It’s not what other people have said about you. It’s not the roles you’ve played and your performance in those roles. It’s not the emotions you’re harboring (Note: our emotions are important, and we should pay attention to them—but they don’t define us). You are not the experiences you’ve lived through in the past.

YOU decide who you want to be. This is simultaneously the most obvious and yet most elusive of truths about our identity. It is liberating and empowering when you accept it; it is also sobering, as you realize your identity is your responsibility to manage. Once you are aware of this truth, everything becomes simpler.

“YOU decide who you want to be.”

2. It’s impossible to define your identity by avoiding who you don’t want to be. You don’t get humility by trying not to be prideful. You don’t get to peace by trying not to be anxious. You don’t get strength by trying to avoid weakness.

This is true for doing anything in life. Hitting a baseball, for example: You can’t consistently hit a baseball when your approach is to avoid striking out. Neither can you hit a baseball today just because you hit well yesterday. You can’t be who you are uniquely created to be in the present—much less in the future—if your point of reference is who you were in the past.

3. Who you are is a developing reality. In Are You Who You Want to Be, I reveal that modern psychology has recently been utilizing the concept of narrative identity. It’s classified as “narrative” because our self-conception is a story in-process. Dr. Dan P. McAdams, Professor of Human Development and Social Policy at Northwestern University, defines narrative identity as “a life story—an internalized narrative integration of past, present, and anticipated future which provides lives with a sense of unity and purpose.” In this view, our identity is continuously evolving as we go through life, and each of us is forming our identities as we interact with each other.

“It’s impossible to define your identity by avoiding who you don’t want to be.”

Forward Referencing

When we reframe identity as a present and evolving narrative that we’re writing as we live each day, it becomes readily apparent that Backward Referencing is only useful for gaining perspective and learning wisdom. Most of our effort should be directed toward Forward Referencing: Focusing on the ideal identity of who we want to be. This aspirational perspective moves us quickly into an Inside-Out approach toward discovering and living out our identity. It motivates us toward our unique purpose, toward change and ultimately toward how we can best influence our world for the better and serve others’ interests.

Elements like faith and beliefs powerfully shape our ideal identity. For me, as a person of faith and follower of Jesus, this ideal identity is informed by how the Bible describes us: God’s children, deeply loved and uniquely created to be just who he designed us to be. His intent is that we become like Jesus in character and behavior. If you are not a person of faith, then center on the timeless truths, character qualities and core values to help shape your ideal identity. This ideal identity is the compass we align our lives with.

“Create your future from your future, not your past.”

— Werner Erhard

If you constantly compare yourself to who you’ve been in the past, the best you can possibly hope to be is some rehashed version of who you’ve been in the past.

Looking back is helpful for reflection. But you can’t drive forward by keeping your eyes on the rear-view mirror. Ultimately, you create your future from your future, not your past. Unless, of course, you choose to create your future from your past. But that’s a choice.

Want to Know Your Identity and Live Your True Purpose?

Discover the Power Behind Your Unique Leadership Identity

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The topic of leadership identity is a growing conversation, and thankfully so. There are a number of books articles from reputable sources hitting on leadership and identity. While more conversation is welcomed, I’m seeing a general pattern that bears highlighting.

Most approaches toward discovering leadership identity offer a method-based approach: Do these steps or act this way to define your leadership identity. I get it, methodology is practical and helpful. And we’re so wired for implementation that we crave for a list of hacks to put into practice.

But while these may seem to be practical and helpful approaches, they still beg a huge question: If we can discover our leadership identity by doing more stuff, wouldn’t we (by this point in human history) have figured out a list of things to do by now? How confident can we really be that these new steps are THE steps to take?

“We’re so wired for implementation that we crave for a list of hacks to put into practice.”

Outside-In

This method-based approach is what I call Outside-In. It’s the belief that if I manage my external activity then my internal identity will take care of itself. I’ll unpack Outside-In more fully in my next blog post, but for now let me summarize by saying it’s a set up for frustration. The Outside-In approach is faulty because the premise it’s based on is backwards. What we do doesn’t shape who we are. Instead, the opposite is true: Who we are shapes what we do.

So how do we discover our leadership identity, if not by what we do? Well, you should start with … you.

“Who we are shapes what we do.”

Start With You

In my last blog, I suggested beginning with a question: Are you who you want to be? (previous blog post). This question, of course, EXPOSES the issue for what it is: We DON’T know who we are.

But not knowing who you are isn’t a problem, it’s an opportunity. And instead of trying to solve the identity puzzle with Outside-In activity, solve it with an intuitive conviction based on a foundational, self-evident truth: You are the only you that will ever exist in human history.

Let that sink in for a moment.

There are 8 billion people on the planet today, and not a single one of them is like you. There have been an estimated 109 billion that lived on earth before us, and each of them were as unique as you are. Even if you have an identical twin that shares your exact DNA, you will be unique from him/her.

Younique. That’s the self-evident truth

“You are the only you that will ever exist in human history.”

The intuitive conviction flows out of this truth. Being unique means that there is a “skin” in which you and only you will be comfortable living in. In other words, there is a life to be lived in which your soul organically and naturally flows. You are able to be you, then work on being the best you possible in the leadership opportunities you find yourself in.

And when you’re content with being you, you don’t need anything from anyone else. You don’t need accolades, recognition or followers. You’re able to offer all your skills, talent, experience and competencies, and do it in a way that genuinely serves others.

This truth of your uniqueness and the conviction that follows it may sound trivial, but without them…

• You try to be someone you’re not

• You compare yourself to other people

• You cover up for insecurities—many of which you aren’t even aware of

• You operate out of fear

• You identify yourself by your performance

• You measure your value on what other people think of you

• You equate your value with your performance

• You struggle to see your blind spots, and so you have low self-awareness

• Your actions have a tinge of self-interest and self-protection—

• You will struggle to collaborate fully because you will find other people threatening

• You will bounce from one situation to another in search of purpose and fulfillment

None of these contribute to making you an effective leader. In fact, they undermine your ability and competency to lead.

“Being unique means that there is a ‘skin’ in which you and only you will be comfortable living in.”

Where To Begin

There will be action steps to take, which I’ll unpack in further blog posts. But for now, the first step to take is the most important one: Embrace the truth that you are unique, and with that uniqueness comes value. Being you is the best possible identity for you to live out.

You can’t define your leadership identity until you define your human identity. As Warren Bennis said, “Becoming a leader is synonymous with becoming yourself. It is precisely that simple. And it is also that difficult.”

It will be a process—actually, a life-long process—and it will be a challenge. But the rewards will be far greater than if you avoid the journey altogether. You’ll be more effective as a leader, and much more fulfilled and gratified.

“You can’t define your leadership identity until you define your human identity.”

Dig Deeper Into Discovering Your Identity

Why “Who Am I?” Is the Most Important Leadership Question Ever

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How do you respond to the question, "Who am I?"

I know what you might be thinking. Seriously? "Who am I" is THE most important question ever?!?

Let me assure you: If you want to be effective in life and leadership, you owe it to yourself to walk this question out. Identity—who you think you are, who you could be or should be—drives everything you do and how you do it.

Our usual response to "Who am I?" is to describe what we do. This includes the roles we play, our achievements or pastimes ... you know, the answers to the "so-tell-me-about-yourself" question. Of course, we know that what we do doesn't really describe who we are. But to go much deeper than that in casual conversation would be awkward and uber-transparent, so we stay conveniently surfacy.

Convenient, because most of us wouldn't know what to say, anyway.

“If you want to be effective in life and leadership, you owe it to yourself to walk this question out.”

A Follow-Up Question

Asking "Who am I?" unlocks another powerful question that we should consider: "Am I who I want to be?"

It's bigger because it introduces some important and inescapable elements. Let’s walk through them…

1) Purpose or calling. This second question exposes a conviction that there's a reason we're alive. We don't know how we know it, but we know we are more than just a consequence of our birth parents' co-involvement in sexual intercourse.

2) Quality or relative measurement. ”Am I who I want to be?” assumes (or maybe presumes?) that we can evaluate our identity according to some kind of standard. In other words, I get a sense that I may not be living up to expectations. And, as long as we're wading into the conversation, exactly who's expectations are we sensing? Our own? Someone else's? God's? The universe's?  

And even if we can't figure that out, the question of being who we want to be—which our gut tells us is inescapably relevant—presupposes that there's a confirmed way to know.

“...we know we are more than just a consequence of our birth parents’ co-involvement in sexual intercourse.”

3) Aspiration. The word "want" is perhaps the most prominent word in the question. It reveals a longing that we are sometimes aware of in the quiet, desperate, joyful or sentimental moments in life.

When we allow ourselves the freedom—or the courage—to dream and envision ourselves being aligned with 1) our purpose and calling, and 2) our unique design, we have an assurance that’s hard to justify or explain, a desire for fulfillment that goes much deeper than just a consumeristic craving. It motivates us to change, to abandon the stuff of life we now sense is temporal and trendy and to pursue the deeper values and truths that support this deep “want.”

“...we have an assurance that’s hard to justify or explain, a desire for fulfillment that goes much deeper than a consumeristic craving.”

So … Are You Who You Want To Be?

Though we may not feel comfortable answering “yes” to that question, we want to be able to answer with a yes. Considering the question reveals an ideal identity that each of us is destined for. It exposes a gap between who we are now and who we could be, and that gap reveals our life’s purpose, a calling intended specifically for us.

Ironically, even though we’re not there yet, knowing who we want to be brings clarity, confidence and faith. We’re on the path to becoming who we want to be. And simply knowing we’re on the right path allows us to respond with a “yes,” though technically it’s more of a “yes, and not yet.”

The longing to know who we are and the hope that we can actually be who we want to be is evidence to follow. Your unique identity is out there waiting to be discovered. It is the compass that directs our conscience and intuition. It is the foundation on which our values, principles, relationships and beliefs are built upon. All these act as guides for the behaviors, strategies, goals and commitments we make in life. We know what to do.

“Identity is the foundation on which our values, principles, relationships and beliefs are built upon.”

What To Do With All This?

At the risk of sounding impractical, the first thing to do is assess what you need to STOP doing. Our tendency is to experiment with the stuff of life (hobbies, relationships, cars, clothes, diet, entertainment, etc.) in the hopes we’ll catch lightning in a bottle and find something that unlocks the secret to our ideal identity. But more experimentation only clouds the issue.

Instead, STOP “doing” long enough to reflect. Of course, stopping breeds fear because doing something at least gives us a sense that we’re in control. But it’s a false sense of control; a virtual reality.

This is where courage comes in. Be brave enough to face the journey in front of you. Take time to reflect on the foundational things in your life, things you know to be true. The process will be different for each of us, but let me offer a few suggestions that might prove helpful.

• Explore things like truth, core beliefs, values, relationships, etc.

• Steer away from situational or fleeting things like money, approval, status, material things, etc.

• Consider things that will promote a communal perspective beyond your own personal interests, and de-emphasize things that will elevate your importance above others.

• If you’re a person of faith, this is where the core elements of your belief system will come into play.

• Think “legacy” … what will outlast your lifespan?

• Expect this to take some time. This is the psychological equivalent to wine-making: It will take some time to ferment and sweeten. Don’t be alarmed if it doesn’t all download in an instant. You may get some initial clarity, but chances are even that clarity will mature as you continue to reflect. Have courage.

Resources

For those with a Christian faith orientation, I’ve created a downloadable Identity Mapping Process that uses a biblical framework to convey the truth (as I understand it) that God has destined each of us to be a unique reflection of Jesus in our life-space. As such, Jesus is the ideal identity we are seeking after.

Of course, I also encourage you to pick up a copy of Are You Who You Want to Be: How Knowing Your Identity Lets You Live Your True Purpose. It’s available in print, e-book and audio version. You can also get The Field Guide to Are You Who You Want to Be, a step-by-step workbook to explore as a study guide either individually or with a group.

The scariest part is simply to begin. As one who has gone through this process and found freedom and confidence on the other side, I encourage you to muster up the courage to take the first step. You’ll be glad you did!

“The scariest part is simply to begin.”

Lead AND Manage: Stop Being a 1-Trick Leadership Pony

Tell me if this sounds familiar …

You’ve put your all into leading your team, getting them organized and keeping them focused. You’ve set the tone by coming in early and staying late, driving results and pursuing achievement.

Then at some point you realize you’ve arrived at a crossroads. The things that worked previously with your team don’t work anymore. They don’t respond. You sense they don’t trust you, or believe in you; or … something.

And Your Point Is…?

You probably need to expand the way you influence your team: You must lead AND manage.

“The things that worked previously with your team don’t work anymore. They don’t trust you, or believe in you; or … something.”

So What?

Most of us lean on EITHER 1) management disciplines or 2) Leadership disciplines. Let’s unpack them.

Management is “doing things right.” It prioritizes processes, accuracy, metrics and repeatability. Without management, companies are inefficient and can’t grow or scale. They can’t repeat their successes—and almost always repeat their failures.

Leadership is “doing the right things.” it focuses on things like innovation, being opportunistic, agile and adaptable. Without leadership, organizations become risk-averse and inwardly focused. They don’t drive results, and they become unresponsive to customers and marketplace opportunities.

“Without management, companies can’t repeat their successes—and almost always repeat their failures.”

We all have a natural bias for (and often against) one discipline over the other. Our default behaviors eventually become predictable and stale. Then when the pressure’s on we double-down on our default discipline. We over-rely on its strengths and its weaknesses show up as glaring gaps in our leadership competency.

Our team feels either the chaos that comes from over-leading or the irrelevance that comes from over-managing. They get demotivated and disengage, eventually losing trust in us. Consciously or unconsciously, they choose not to follow us.

Over-relying on your leadership or management makes you a one-trick pony. You can’t be effective, no matter how capable, intelligent, extroverted, correct or successful you are.

“Without leadership, organizations don’t drive results and they become unresponsive to customers and marketplace opportunities.”

The Big Picture

Neither discipline is right or wrong, although leadership is often promoted as being sexier. And neither is preferred, though typically it’s best to lead first and follow with management.

Managing and leading are not mutually exclusive, they are necessarily complementary. Meaning, you must lead AND manage if you want to be effective.

Your Next Step

Identifying your default tendencies is pretty simple and straightforward. Simply observe yourself and take note of what drives you, or have someone you trust assess you. The challenge comes in deliberately practicing them.

“Managing and leading are not mutually exclusive, they are necessarily complementary.”

Here’s a longer article on this topic at Medium.com.

Need some practical help on this?

Check out John Kotter’s classic On What Leaders Really Do. It defined the issue for me, and offers in-depth insight on this issue.

Leverage Your Assets, Love Your People

We all know about the Great Resignation: People inexplicably leaving their jobs, and companies having to deal with the hemorrhage of employment loss and the challenge of finding replacements.

There’s been no shortage of recommendations to prevent further hemorrhaging: Offer stuff, be flexible on work arrangements, etc. These are all nice and potentially helpful, but they could easily miss the point entirely.

The Great Resignation didn’t happen because of insufficient perks or working inflexibility. It happened because the workforce is fried, overworked and overwhelmed. People are reevaluating how work can give life, instead of suck it away. It's the 2020's version of the 1976 film Network: "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not going to take this anymore!"

“People are reevaluating how work can give life, instead of suck it away.”

Employers must wisely answer the now front-burner question employees are asking: How does their job improve their lives. My personal conviction is that many companies are ill-prepared to respond to this question. I fear they follow the long-hyped corporate value that says, “Our employees are our greatest asset.”

Ironically, this “value” exposes the issue.

And Your Point Is...?

Your employees are not your greatest asset.

An asset is a desk chair or forklift; a new computer.

Assets depreciate. And when they lose their value, you replace them.

Your employees aren’t assets, they’re people.

So What?

Many companies operate with this asset-based employment approach, where compensation is provided for expected performance. If that’s all the employer-employee relationship is, it’s just a transaction. It’s not only unsustainable, but also cancerous, ultimately undermining the company’s long-term success.

“Assets depreciate. And when they lose their value, you replace them.”

While you may or may not view employee well-being as an employer’s responsibility, it is very much an employer’s opportunity. For the foreseeable marketplace future (all things being equal), companies that genuinely care for their employees will sustain and grow. Those that don’t will bleed out their talent.

“If that’s all the employer-employee relationship is, it’s just a transaction. It’s not only unsustainable, but also cancerous.”

The Big Picture

It’s been suggested that the solution is to treat your employees right. I’ll affirm that and go one step further: Love your people. Respect, shepherd, equip, inspire and challenge them. You still have to get the right people on the bus and get them in the right seat. But in doing so, let your company be a tribe your employees belong to.

Loving your people may sound overly simplistic, intangible and impossible to measure. But consider the impact of your employees feeling like assets instead of what they are: people.

“Let your company be a tribe your employees belong to.”

Your Next Step

What will you do to set your company’s culture apart from your competition?

Want More Leadership Insights?

Living in a House Divided

Note: This post called for more than my usual 400 words. Hopefully, you’ll agree it’s deserving.

– – – – –

The riot at the Capital Building on January 6, 2021 is unmistakable proof of a problem that’s been brewing for a while. It’s a problem few of us are willing to acknowledge–and the consequences of our unwillingness are dire.

Many will place the blame on Donald Trump. Doing so would be expected—and perhaps justified in some regard—but it will do little to bring about a lasting solution. That’s because the events of January 6th are just the symptoms, not the core issue.

“The events of January 6th are just the symptoms, not the core issue.”

Any consultant worth their salt will tell you that specific individuals are rarely the root cause of a problem. Though individuals certainly play a part, they are merely evidence of a deeper—and usually systemic—set of processes and assumptions that are in play.

And Your Point Is…?

The core issue is not Donald Trump and/or his supporters or detractors. The core issue is that we have embraced division as a way of life.

We live in a house divided.

“Specific individuals are rarely the root cause of a problem.”

So What?

As a nation and society, we have embraced an attitude of division as a way of life. Though this goes way beyond the political arena, politics perfectly reflect the issue.

In observing news, social media, talk radio and conversations at the water cooler and across the kitchen table, we talk and act like our society falls into two polarized camps. These camps have opposite views on almost every issue with virtually nothing in common. Graphically it might look like this:

The outcomes of this approach are predictably self-evident. Nothing gets done. Priority, long-term issues become politically radioactive and get kicked down the road in favor of securing short-term gains. Policies, positions and programs swing wildly from one election cycle to the next.

Both sides view each other as radicals and extremists. They advance their position by destroying the credibility of the other side. Everyone’s broadcasting but no one’s listening; dialog and diplomacy get squeezed out by diatribe.

The modern presidential election strategy is to do enough to maintain your base (keeping those states in your corner), and target the undecided moderate voters in the key swing states—which can boil down to a relatively small number. This turned the tide in Biden’s favor in 2020. Likewise, in 2016, Trump won by getting 77,759 more votes than Hillary Clinton in three key counties across the three swing states of Michigan, Wisconsin and Pennsylvania—in spite of actually losing the popular vote.

“Everyone’s broadcasting but no one’s listening.”

The game comes down to one of two plays:

1. Leverage power to maintain majority, or

2. Obstruct the agenda of the majority until you can get it back.

Each election cycle we slip further and further into the crevasse of division, and the results become increasingly combative. Ultimately, the people suffer—and those most impacted are the ones with the least influence and affluence. Our standing and reputation as a nation suffers; no one wins.

Consider: Would you want your family to operate this way? Your football team? Your company? Not if you cherished it, wanted it to be competitive or have a lasting legacy.

As Lincoln said, “A house divided against itself cannot stand.”

“Would you want your family to operate this way?”

The Big Picture

This state of division doesn’t reflect who we actually are. Our society is more of a spectrum of perspectives. We are, generally speaking, a majority of either left- or right-leaning moderates with the more firmly-entrenched perspectives further out from the center. It actually looks more like this:

Though this sounds idyllic and panacean, we actually have much more in common than not. We could make tangible progress if our politics and society were guided by that truth, instead of the fear-based convenience of division.

Take any major issue facing us: Health care, immigration, social security, etc. What if our default approach were to be:

• Start with what we have in common,

• Then cooperate to identify a realistic outcome (even if it’s far from ideal) that isn’t tainted by political expediency or right- or left-leaning policy objectives,

• Then work together to achieve that outcome, at perhaps the expense of each side’s agenda.

We are a diverse society in thought, perspective, history and experience. Diversity makes for a stronger team, as long as they share a mutual respect and a unified goal. Surely, we can identify some common ground on which we stand, can we not? For consider: If we can’t, we’ve already lost, no matter which side we’re on.

“We can identify some common ground on which we stand, can we not?”

The main point of this whole discussion is that unity is a leadership issue. Moving from division to unity won’t just happen. It’s a massive change that will come only from courageous leaders inspiring it, modeling it, exhorting it, challenging it, motivating it … And it’s bigger than any one leader can generate. It requires a collection of leaders, working collaboratively.

I appreciate the current calls for unity as we see the onboarding of a new administration. But if we don’t make the decision—as an entire society—to reject division as a collective way of life, then we’ll never achieve unity. I mean no disrespect to the Biden administration (most new administrations in recent memory have made similar calls), but a call to unity without changing the underlying we’ve-got-the-majority-now approach will only further increase the divide. One person can’t fix this problem.

The solution requires nothing less than a cultural transformation. Leaders in news, media, industry, society, neighborhoods, families must all engage. Parents must train their children on the importance of unity over division. Ordinary citizen-leaders must stand for unity in their circles of influence and expect the same from its elected officials.

Who are the leaders that will step into the gap?

“A call to unity without changing the underlying we’ve-got-the-majority-now approach will only further increase the divide.”

Your Next Step

Lincoln was advised not to deliver the “House Divided” speech, out of fear that it was too radical and may cost him the 1858 U.S. Senate seat in Illinois. Lincoln replied that “The proposition is indisputably true … and I will deliver it as written.” His opponent, Stephen Douglas, widely used his speech against him and eventually Lincoln did lose.

Curiously, it’s also been observed that while it may have cost him the Senate seat, it probably gained him the Presidency two years later. Unity will not be quick, easy or expedient. Unity will, however, establish and maintain our legacy.

C’mon, y’all … we can do this.

“The proposition is indisputably true … and I will deliver it as written”

— Abraham Lincoln

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What Commuting Taught Me About Leadership – Stay Humble

Recently I left a job at a great company but with a long daily commute. This is the final entry of a 7-post series on things I learned about leadership on those long and tedious hours on the road.
– – – – –

I believe I’m a reasonably accomplished driver. It’d be easy to relax and not work at improving my driving skills, based on miles I’ve driven and the success I’ve demonstrated at dodging other drivers’ poor decisions.

Yet I must face the facts. There are still times I’ve started to change lanes unaware that someone was in my blind spot, or turned a corner roughly or braked sooner—or later—than I could have.

If I don’t face those facts, I’ll start thinking I don’t need to get better. Which leads to thinking I can’t get any better. Which tells me that I’m better than anyone else. Then I’m convinced that accidents only happen to other people. Which leads me to believe that accidents can’t happen to me. Then I stop using my skills. Then I get careless. Then I’m a bad driver—who still thinks he’s a good driver.

Scary.

“If I don’t face those facts, I’ll start thinking I don’t need to get better.”

And Your Point Is…?

The only way we can get better is to believe that we can get better.

So What?

I have a favorite leadership development mantra: You can’t get better by continuing to do what you’re already good at. It’s easy to over-leverage what has made us successful, whether that’s experience, personality, intelligence, tenacity … whatever.

“You can’t get better by continuing to do what you’re already good at.”

But to borrow Marshall Goldsmith’s perfectly titled book, What Got You Here Won’t Get You There, all those success-generating traits have a ceiling, a limit. Overusing them can make us think we’re a good leader, when we’re really just riding the wave of past success.

This creates blind spots, where we miss opportunities to lead more effectively. And it won’t prepare us for the leadership challenges to come.

“Overusing them can make us think we’re a good leader, when we’re really just riding the wave of past success.”

This requires a level of humility, and a dispassionate, objective view of ourselves. All with a sense of self-acceptance (i.e. my value isn’t based on my performance), coupled with a drive to improve (to fulfill our potential).

The Big Picture

It might seem odd to pair personal development with humility, but there’s a very strong correlation. People who aren’t humble aren’t hungry to learn and grow; there’s no incentive to get better. It takes humility to recognize you have untapped potential.

Your Next Step

Get someone who knows you and has your best interests in mind to reveal how you can improve. Do a 360-leadership assessment. Get a coach. But above all: Believe that you can get better.

Then never stop trying.

Want more leadership insights?

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What Commuting Taught Me About Leadership – Losing Your Cool Can Be Deadly

Recently I left a job at a great company but with a long daily commute. This is the 6th post of an 8-blog series on things I learned about leadership on those long and tedious hours on the road.
– – – – –

The day before my final commute into the office, an unfortunate incident occurred on the Howard Franklin Bridge over Tampa Bay. The drivers of an SUV and a pickup had a disagreement, and the SUV began tailgating the pickup at high speed. The game was now on.

The pickup changed lanes several times with the SUV in close pursuit. The vehicles clipped, causing the SUV to roll several times, hit the concrete barrier and go into the water. Authorities found the driver’s body the next day, a tragic end to an everyday commute that, by all appearances, was caused by one or both drivers losing their temper.

It was a sobering reminder to avoid getting complacent on my final commute.

And Your Point Is…?

Life’s too short to lose your cool.

So What?

It’s normal to experience frustration when things don’t go as expected. Disagreements, differences of opinion and disappointments with other people cannot be avoided.

But losing our cool can be.

As leaders, it’s fine to be passionate about what we do. In fact, I would argue that some level of leadership passion is necessary to influence people to do the right thing and uphold values and priorities.

But we should steer away from operating by emotion and calling it passion. These are two very different things. Emotional leadership is reactionary and situational, and usually indicates a loss of self-control. It makes us unpredictable, and it destroys trust.

Passionate leadership, on the other hand, is values-based and ethos-driven, so it’s usually predictable. It’s a visible cue that we’re advocating for something important.

“…some level of leadership passion is necessary…”

I’m not suggesting that leaders should be uber-stoic and avoid any displays of emotion. After all, we are emotional beings; it’s only natural that we display appropriate levels of emotion (sadness, disappointment, joy, compassion, etc.).

The key is to not let emotions drive our leadership behavior, and instead let leadership drive our emotional behavior.

“Emotional leadership is reactionary and situational, and usually indicates a loss of self-control.”

The Big Picture

Emotional leadership means being driven by emotion. It makes leadership behaviors volatile and situational. Instead of influencing your environment, your environment is influencing you.

Emotion comes out of the blue and is unpredictable. Passion comes from the gut and doesn’t often change.

Your Next Step

Avoiding emotional leadership is self-leadership. We must be able to lead ourselves before we can expect to effectively lead others.

“Passion comes from the gut and doesn’t often change”

Want more leadership insights?

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What Commuting Taught Me About Leadership – You See What You Look For

Recently I left a job at a great company but with a long daily commute. This is the 5th post of an 8-blog series on things I learned about leadership on those long and tedious hours on the road.
– – – – –

To avoid the bulk of the traffic (and the accompanying delays), I went into work early. Many times this meant driving in the dark, when you can’t see as well. Or see as much. Or as far.

Or even more weirdly, you tend to see only the things you expect to see.

I worked for a logistics company, so it was a fairly common experience to see golf carts driving around the campus. One dark morning after entering the facility, I was surprised by a cart that “suddenly” appeared in front of me. Even though I was undistracted and watching for traffic, and despite the fact that the cart had its headlights on and a flashing orange light on the top, I didn’t see it until it was very close to me.

Reflecting on it later, I realized I didn’t see it because I was looking for cars, not golf carts.

And Your Point Is…?

When you’re driving hard and your perspective gets limited, you tend to see only what you’re looking for.

“I didn’t see it because I was looking for cars, not golf carts”

So What?

As a cyclist I can attest to being on the other side of this phenomena. Sometimes people driving cars simply don’t see bicycles (or motorcycles or pedestrians) because they’re looking for what they expect to see: other cars.

This is a human tendency that influences us at almost every level. It shows up when we keep a pessimistic, glass-half-empty perspective. It happens when we overlook opportunities. It contributes to having a fixed mindset. It reveals itself when we judge prematurely or act on a bias. It shows up when we’re stuck in a limiting habit we don’t even know exists. It happens when we get into conflict with others. It happens when we drive hard for results or achievement.

In other words, it can happen anywhere, anytime.

But it doesn’t have to.

“It can happen anywhere, anytime. But it doesn’t have to”

The Big Picture

It’s human nature: We choose to see what we see. So it’s a discipline to begin looking objectively, rather than selectively. It requires staying in a constant state of curiosity to look beyond what we expect. It’s the curious ones who are usually in a better position to solve problems, innovate, collaborate, excel and influence.

If you’re leading others, it’s all the more vital that you see the obvious things other people can’t—or won’t.

Your Next Step

What is one thing you can do maintain a base level of curiosity?

“If you’re leading others, it’s all the more vital that you see the obvious things other people can’t—or won’t.”

Want more leadership insights?

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What Commuting Taught Me About Leadership – You Hit What You Aim For

recently left a position with a great company, but with a long daily commute. This is the fourth post of an 8-week series on things about leadership that I learned on those long and tedious hours on the road.
– – – – –

It’s easy to get bored driving the same road every day. To break the monotony I started attempting to avoid the reflectors when I changed lanes (when there were no other cars around, of course!).

After months of trying I had some occasional successes. But truth be told, I sucked at it—which troubled me because I knew I was a better driver than that.

Then one day I had an epiphany: Instead of aiming to miss the reflectors, I needed to aim for the stripe between them. The difference was instant and amazing.

As soon as I adjusted my aim point, I had almost immediate success. I could predict where my wheels were going. I could anticipate when to initiate the lane change and intentionally drive where I wanted to go. Ultimately, getting really clear on my target allowed me to get better.

And Your Point Is…?

You hit what you aim for.

“Getting really clear on my target allowed me to get better.”

So What?

First (and most obvious), not aiming is the same as aiming at nothing—you’re going to hit something, you just don’t know what it will be. When I first started my game I tried to “feel” my way into the next lane and hope for the best. Didn’t work.

Second, if your aim is off target, that’s what you’ll hit: everything except the target. This was my aha experience with the reflectors: In attempting to miss them, I was actually still aiming for them. The reflectors is what I was concentrating on. In focusing on the challenge, I was blind to seeing the solution.

“Not aiming is the same as aiming at nothing—you’re going to hit something, you just don’t know what it will be.”

The Big Picture

Consider how your aim comes into play when you compare A) aiming for success (the stripe), to B) aiming for avoiding failure (missing the reflectors). Aiming to NOT fail is NOT aiming for success.

“In focusing on the challenge, I was blind to seeing the solution.”

Some simple real world examples might be “I’ll be less critical in my feedback” or “I’ll be more aggressive in producing outcomes.” Typically, any goal stated in such squishy terms is likely not to be met. Not only is the outcome not measurable, the path to achievement is obscure. This is a common concept in managing performance (a la setting SMART goals), but for some reason many people have difficulty applying the concept in managing development—especially their own.

Your Next Step

What’s an area you’d like to improve in that you’ve set goals around not failing? How can you reset them so they’re focused on the target?

“Aiming to NOT fail is NOT aiming for success.”

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What Commuting Taught Me About Leadership – Watch Out For People Advancing Their Own Position

I recently left a position with a great company, but with a long daily commute. This is the third of an 8-week blog series on things about leadership that I learned on those long and tedious hours on the road.
– – – – –

At one point in my commuting history I was averaging close to one major evasive maneuver per week. “Major” meaning that had I not taken significant action I would have been calling my insurance company—if not the ambulance.

Usually it was someone changing lanes (see my last post: Stay Visible). Often it was somebody “shooting the gap” to cross two lanes of traffic (rarely a good idea). More than once I’ve had pickups or service trucks pull alongside me then without signaling move into the “space” between me and the car in front of me—even though they hadn’t yet cleared my front bumper.

Almost always it was someone trying to get ahead of everyone else. Even though traffic was heavy, they felt compelled to zig-and-zag, forcing themselves ahead, expending a lot of effort to get in front of others.

And Your Point Is…?

I get competitiveness and wanting to win, but is getting ahead of the people you’re driving with really worth the potential damage?

“They felt compelled to zig-and-zag, forcing themselves ahead, expending a lot of effort to get in front of others.”

So What?

The marketplace is competitive (duh). Aggressiveness is often (usually?) seen as a strength; it gets you noticed. In particular, I think of business development roles where being a competitor is a desirable trait. But for most other roles, you should reconsider using competitiveness as your primary MO, because it comes with lots of potential—and usually hidden—damage.

You can damage relationships. When you push people aside to get ahead of them, you make it incredibly hard for them to trust you again. You’ll have to put in much more effort to overcome the perception that you’re really only interested in yourself.

“When you push people aside to get ahead of them, you make it incredibly hard for them to trust you again.”

You can damage your opportunity to influence. You’re not building into people; it doesn’t build a mutual purpose, accountability, motivation or camaraderie.

Your competitive approach may bring short term results, but it will eventually boomerang. You’re feeding a cutthroat culture where people become expendable and teamwork is transactional, not relational. And when you most need people to respond to your call to action, they simply won’t.

“When you most need people to respond to your call to action, they simply won’t.”

The Big Picture

When it comes to your leadership behaviors, what goes around comes around. If you honor people and their effort they will respond in kind. If you push them aside in pursuit of your own interests you’ll find yourself very alone.

Your Next Step

How can you be hungry for results but in a way that makes others better (instead of pushes them aside)?

Want more leadership insights?

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What Commuting Taught Me About Leadership – Stay Visible

I recently left a position with a great company, but with a long daily commute. This is the second of an 8-week blog series on things about leadership that I learned on those long and tedious hours on the road.
– – – – –

Aside from following too close, improper lane changes were the most frequent cause of incidents I saw on the interstate. Near misses due to other cars changing lanes was a frequent event. Sometimes it was innocent; they weren’t trying to not see me. Other times it seemed they didn’t even make an effort to check for another car.

Ultimately, their intention was irrelevant: I wanted to be proactive to let them know I was there.

The reality is that every driver—including me—has blind spots (I’ll touch on this more in a future post). Because of this, I found it a best practice to avoid driving next to another car in their rear quarter for more than 5-10 seconds. If I felt I was in a potential blind spot, I would speed up or slow down so the other driver could see me out of the corner of their eyes. I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable by not being visible.

And Your Point Is…?

If people don’t see you, they drive like you’re not there.

So What?

Not to overstate the obvious, but one of the primary ways you become visible is through good performance. Keep your commitments. Do your job well and make yourself into an asset for the team.

“I didn’t want to make myself vulnerable by not being visible.”

Beyond that, you should be aware of your best contribution—one that matches your wiring, giftedness and God-given talent (hopefully that you’ve been honing and crafting). Sometimes that means speaking first or loudest; other times it means speaking last or most profoundly. Sometimes creativity, accuracy, or comprehensiveness are most helpful. Other times it’s boldness, confidence or even compassion.

There are catalysts, analysts, implementors and supporters. Showing up most effectively to meet the greatest need of the moment will help you be more visible.

A word of caution: You can over-do this. Sometimes pushing or trying too hard to make yourself visible will work against you. The art comes in knowing how much presence to push; how big to show up.

“Showing up most effectively to meet the greatest need of the moment will help you be more visible.”

The Big Picture

Leadership is ultimately about influence. There are so many ways to influence others’ thoughts, perspectives, behaviors, approaches, processes and values. But you can’t influence if people don’t know you’re there, so be clear on what approach works best for you.

Your Next Step

How can you know your best, most natural contribution to your team? Who do you know/trust who will help you discover it?

Want more leadership insights?

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What Commuting Taught Me About Leadership – Following Is a Part of Driving

I recently left a position with a great company, but with a long daily commute. This is the first post of an 8-week series on things about leadership that I learned on those long and tedious hours on the road.
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Some people navigate traffic skillfully, consistently. They know when to brake, and do so evenly. They’re always in the best lane and flow well in traffic. They give all the proper signals. They seem to have good automotive “body language”: Cool, calm, collected, thinking, aware. They seem to make good driving decisions.

These drivers put me at ease. They make it easy to follow; I can trust them.

Others, by contrast, are erratic. They force themselves into spaces they shouldn’t. They constantly shift from one lane to another—without signaling—or speed-up-slow-down and force the cars behind them to constantly adjust their own speed (very dangerous in heavy traffic). They panic brake or divert onto the shoulder to avoid hitting the braking car in front of them. They have zero situational awareness, seemingly only interested in themselves.

These drivers always make me nervous. I tend to pull back and keep my distance. Frankly, I can’t trust them because I have no idea what they’re going to do.

“Frankly, I can’t trust them because I have no idea what they’re going to do.”

And Your Point Is…?

In traffic or in leadership, following someone is an inevitable reality.

So What?

First, be aware of who you’re following. Whether it’s your manager or someone else, how they drive (their work) should give you an indication of whether you A) want to leave a bit of distance between the two of you, or B) can be confident enough to follow them more closely.

There’s an old adage that I’ve found to be generally true: Teams usually reflect the qualities of their leader, for better or worse. Very likely, some of your leader’s driving habits are already affecting your own. You may want to be more deliberate about making some level of adjustment in the way you follow.

“Very likely, some of your leader’s driving habits are already affecting your own.”

Second, be aware that others are following you—or better said, they are choosing whether to follow you or not. Are you driving (your work) in a way that makes others trust you: Consistent, calm, cool and collected? Or are you erratic, shifting lanes, not signaling and operating without situational awareness?

The Big Picture

Almost all of us are both leading (even if we’re only leading ourselves) and following. Having more awareness to how and why we’re doing both will reveal ways to improve our leadership.

Your Next Step

Look in your rear-view mirror and ask yourself: Are those following me keeping a safe distance from my leadership, and if so, why?

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